The Eve of Toddlerhood

Porter, 

I'm sitting here on the eve of your first birthday, thinking about our year together. I have to admit, I'm not as emotional this year as I was on your brother's first birthday eve. It defintely isn't that I love you less or that I'm not sad about you growing up, it's that you still seem like such a baby to me. My anxiety about hitting all of the milestones with your brother and always waiting for the next big event made each of his firsts seem like lasts too. His first birthday felt like the end of his babyhood. But I learned with him. Just like I learned that wagon wheels are a dangerous food, I learned that milestones don't really mean anything. Sure you'll be one and you'll technically be a toddler, but you're not toddling and you're still my baby. 

I've really enjoyed the second half of our year together. Once we got you past your Reflux issues, you turned into the happy, easy-going baby we know today. Seriously everywhere we go people make comments about how happy and smiley and outgoing you are and it makes me proud. You are a completely different baby than Paxton was and you have taught me so much. You have taught me patience, creative thinking and that the doctor isn't the expert on you, I am. I am your advocate and your protector and if something isn't right, it's my job to fix it. 

I love how cuddly you are. I love when you get sleepy and you nuzzle your face into my chest. I love that I'm always the person you want. I love kissing your soft, squishy cheeks and smelling your sweet baby hair. 

You're the perfect baby for Daddy and me. You're the perfect little brother for Paxton. I'm so glad I get to see you every morning and play with you and teach you. I'm excited for what this year will bring: the walking, the talking, the developing personality, the likes and dislikes...all of it. 

I love you so much,

Mommy