Thursday, August 18, 2016

On the Eve Before Kindergarten

My sweet Paxton,

Well this flew by. I still think you're a little baby, or at least a toddler, but then I look at you and see your long legs without any baby fat and I hear you say things like "I can't hear you properly" and I know you're a real kid. 

For two whole years it was just you and me all day every day. We did whatever we wanted to and I said yes to everything. You want to put your swimsuit on and go play in the pool for 4 minutes? Ok. You want to read the Baby Storybook Bible 135 times in a row? Me too. I loved it so much. Then Porter came along and then Lincoln and you had to share toys and attention and we didn't get to do everything you wanted to do when you wanted to do it, and sometimes that made me sad but I think it also will help you be successful. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you have been my life for five whole years and four whole months and now I have to send you out into the world every weekday, all day long. 

Tonight we met your teacher and saw your classroom. You seem excited and I know you're nervous too. It's new for both of us, but you're going to be amazing. You're going to learn so much and show your teacher how smart you are and you're going to make friends, maybe even some lifelong friends and you're going to get your feelings hurt and you're going to be in situations where you don't know what to do and that scares me. I have done everything I know how to do to get you ready for this, but now you're on your own. 
And tonight I'm thinking a little bit about the "could'ves". All those times you asked for something and I was busy or stressed or just didn't feel like it and now my chances are gone. Our mornings of staying in jammies all day and eating breakfast at almost lunchtime and reading 137 books and watching 8 straight episodes of Curious George and dragging out every single toy and then asking to build train tracks when there's clearly no room left are now reserved for random days off of school. And I'm going to miss them. As much as they seemed normal and not really exciting, they're what I'll miss. And man am I gonna miss you little guy. I'm going to miss the endless questions and the wanting to help with everything. I'm going to miss you bargaining to skip your nap and just take "a rest". I might not miss all your fights with Porter, but he probably will. 

I can't believe I'm the mom of a kindergartener. I can't believe we've been together long enough for you to go to school full-time. I'm so glad I have gotten to stay home with you and watch all your firsts. I'm so very proud of you and I know you're going to be amazing. You'll love school and you'll make so many friends. You're going to soar and I get to watch. 
I love you so much,

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