Love at First Sight

 I started bonding with Paxton the second I saw the word "Pregnant" appear on the First Response test.  I read multiple books and websites every single week to see exactly how he was changing and developing.  I thought about him all the time.  We announced the pregnancy right away to everyone and Jared and I talked about it constantly.  Way before I heard that first heart beat or saw him on the ultrasound screen, I had a relationship with him.

On a very early morning at eight weeks pregnant, we made the long drive to Ada to our midwife's office.  I had no idea what to expect, but when she told us we would be seeing our baby and hearing the heart beat, we were ecstatic.  As soon as the little gummy bear showed up on the screen, we both felt it.  Not only did the pregnancy become 100% real, the first glimmer of love hit us.  We completely tuned out everything the tech was saying and just watched our baby wiggle around on the screen.  It really was love at first sight.  

Paxton--8 weeks

 With Baby #2, things were a little bit different.  We found out at about five weeks, just like with Paxton and we were definitely excited, but we were also busy.  I had a baseline knowledge about which structures were developing each week from my intense study of Pax's development and I had an app on my phone, but other than that, we didn't really keep track of what was going on.  We waited until about nine weeks to tell family and until about 13 weeks to share it with the world.  I think that had a hand in making it less real to us.

On a not-so-early morning at about nine weeks pregnant, we made the short drive to our doctor's office.  We knew what to expect this time and we were excited.  She didn't make us wait long before she brought the ultrasound machine in.  We watched the screen expectantly, waiting for the little gummy bear to show up.  As soon as it did, it happened again.  The tears flowed as the love struck.  The sound of the quick heart beat filled the room and Jared squeezed my hand, exactly like he did when Paxton first wiggled up on the screen.  It was love at first sight.

Baby #2--9 weeks

As both pregnancies progressed, the love grew.  The gender reveal ultrasound took things to a whole new level both times.  Not only did our tiny people look more like actual babies, we also found out they would be little boys.  We got to intimately inspect their hearts, their kidneys, their tiny femurs, it was definitely magical.

Feeling the first kicks and flutters from both boys caused the love to take another leap.  I was the one who knew them best.  As they got bigger, I could feel every move they made, and laughed every time they got hiccups.  I fell asleep knowing that even when they weren't hearing my voice, they were hearing my heart beat.

Nothing compares to the love leap that happened when Paxton was born.  When they put him on my chest for the first time, my heart was pounding.  Tears were streaming down my face.  He was mine.  A little later, after he cried through his first bath and his first diaper and his first swaddle, the nurse put him on my chest again.  As soon as I said hi to him, he looked up at me and stopped crying.  He knew who I was.  Beyond the shadow of a doubt, he recognized me and knew me and loved me, and I was his.